I guess an update is in order

Sorry for the 9 month gap but things have been crazy, stressful, and scary.
I am not a writer and have fear that things I say on here could be used against me so I made the choice to not blog. It is never a good idea to talk about issues when they can come back to bite you in the ass and my situation was not the best. I probably brought out the worst in me and to those who did to talk to me. Most likely thought I was being a spiteful bitch for the past year. Sorry for that.


So my how things can change in a short period of time. I have moved out from the roomate apartment to my own place. The great thing about my apartment is that it is walking distance to work so now when the weather is not hot and I can dress casual at work I now walk there. The apartment is nice and cozy but I find myself dealing with moments of sadness and lonliness. I know I wanted to be on my own for 6 months and now that I am on my own I am not happy. What can I say I am a walking contridiction.

Also I am now a proud to say that I have graduated college. Yeah for no school but sad when looking at paying back student loans :( I was very lucky to have one of my best friends come down for the weekend I graduated and was there for the ceremony and party. It was SO good to see her but things were so crazy with family in town that we didn't really get a chance to hang out and do girl stuff.

Other than that not much going on here still trying to get myself and gear and start working out. With all my free time I need to motivate myself to get active. Well off I go to get motivated!!

Being Thankful

With Thanksgiving approaching in a week and a half. I feel the need to think of my blessings and what I am thankful for. This year I would have to say I am thankful for my supportive family. They have helped me move into an apartment with some roomates. I am also very thankful for my friends mostly my college ones. They have kept me sane this year with our girls weekends, dinners, and just hanging out when I get in town. There are many blessings in life that we take for granted. The ability to go on a walk and smell of burning of leaves or fields which I feel makes it smell like fall. Being able to form opinions and debates with friends without fear of being hurt for our views.
I urge everyone in the next week to go through and think of what you are thankful for. If it is a person let them know, if it is a group find someway to be kind and helpful.

Writing and I are not Good Friends

I know that the world of blogging is all about putting your thoughts and feelings into words for the world. As you can see I am not so good at that. I have struggled the past 3 months in college because many of my courses have had papers in them. My History one I have had to do 3 papers and I have one more due in a few weeks. Needless to say writing and I do not get along. My one interesting class is Woman's Studies and I have to write a poem/ page about A Letter to my Daughter. The past two weeks have been very emotional because I am not sure how to write this to a child I so desperately want but probably will never have. Do I just put in things I would want to pass on to them or do I tell stories about my life. Sadly I should probably read the book before I get to stressed out about this assignment.

For those of you who do not know me I am a family person. My dreams in life were to be a wife and mother. That is all I have ever wanted. A few years ago I got a diagnosis that makes it difficult to have kids. At the time it was no big deal because I had yet to meet a man that I wanted to be with. Now as I see 30 on the horizon I am really scared as I know I want kids but more than likely will have to do this one my own and figure out if this is even something I physically can do and financially afford. My friend Holly to me epitomizes motherhood she has 2 beautiful little girls under the age of 2. Although I know she has struggled she makes everything seem so easy. I am not sure why I have gotten so sappy tonight, maybe because I am fighting a cold or just a little down.

Halloween sure has changed

I am just begining to realize how much things have changed from when I was a kid. For instance Halloween is completly different than I remember when I was growing up.
Back then you went trick or treating with your friends or family. The parents were not always there because you trusted everyone in your neighborhood. Now I am learning how much we have evolved. One of the guys I work with is having a trick of drunk party. Now maybe I am a little sheltered but I had no idea what that was until he explained it. Basically they have candy for the kids and a keg for the parents so while your kids are getting candy you can grab a beer. How crazy is that! Although the concept is really smart I do not know if I would give liquor to people I do not know. Another girl I work with says last year on their block people would rent a hay rack and drop the kids off at one end of block and then meet them at the other end. And of course on a hay rack ride what do you have. Liquor! It is just very odd to think about.
Well to everyone who celebrates Happy Halloween. Be safe

Where did you go?

In the past 4 years I have become increasingly aware of my health. I am by nature the healthiest person. I don't like vegtables or salad. I tend to eat whatever strikes my fancy and not look at calories or suggested servings. In the past 10 years I have gained weight and I will admit that I need to work on eating healthy and excercising. It was not until 4 years ago when I was diagnosed with PCOS that this reality was slammed in the face and then last year when being told I was resistant to insulin which can be the precursor to Diabetes. So this past week I made a decision to try and eat healthier. I have bought fruit which my goal is to eat 2 of a day and eat my grilled chicken than Hamburger Helper. One of the big motivators I see is The Dr. Oz show on ABC. If you have never watched it I highly recommend it. He does a great job not putting you down but wanting everyone to be more aware of their health and small things we can do to improve it.
My goal is in the next 6 months to eat better and start to work out. I think purchasing a WII will help this because I have Wii Fit with no Wii to play it on :(
I will try to blog about my progress not to mention whatever else is on my mind.
Pray for me!!

Just Breathe

Sorry to the blog universe for being so lax in my postings.
The past 3 months have been so busy and stressful that I was kind of afraid on what I would say here.
Here is a brief synopsis on my life since June. In July I went to be a reader in my cousin's wedding. LOTS of fun and then went on a weeklong tour of Wisconsin where I got to see what I feel are my Wisconsin family: Holly, Molly, Jen, and Lori. I love and miss you guys. Got back to Omaha and a week and a half later was moving into an apartment YIKES!! So the end of July and August was all about moving and getting acclimated to having roomates again. The last time I had roomates was when I lived with Lori and Pat before they got married which was 5 years ago. Also in August I had a birthday turned the age of 28 and sadly had a rough time with this birthday. September was a month of stress from work, to starting back to school, to learning to brush annoyances off my shoulder. So that is my life for the past 3 months.
I wish I could say that there is something on the horizon to look forward to but sadly there is not. Unless you count the holidays which means time off. Although if all goes according to plan I will graduate college in August YEAH!
I am hoping the month of October I can just sit back and just breathe. Although I am a personal attendant in my good friend Jen's wedding and with school I am thinking just breathing will not happen. In a totally different note the title of my post is also the name of a VERY good book by Susan Wiggs. If you are ever having a rough day I recomend picking it up and reading it.
Well good night blog world!

Talk about a rough week

It seems to me that when it rains it pours. Last week which should have been nice and relaxing was a sad week. I am a huge fan of celebrities and was very sad to hear about Ed and Farrah. Of course the sadness I felt for them was tripled by the loss of one of my favorite singers ever Michael Jackson. I was in shock all night Thursday about his death. I grew up with his music and loved it from the time I was a toddler I would sing and dance to his music. Sadly Friday came with another huge shocker for me. My friend Sean who I have known since I was 15 as we worked together called. Earlier in the week he told me she had been diagnosed with cancer and he was in town. On Friday she passed away and to say I was stunned would be an understatement. His mother was only a year older than my Dad and I cannot image one of my parents dying at this point.

So this week which is a short week due to the 4th of July holiday will be extremely stressful with the visitation I went to tonight, the funeral tomorrow, and one of my best friends husband having surgery on Wednesday. Like I said at the beginning when it rains it pours. I want to do something to help these great friends in my life but know that there is nothing I can do to help or ease their pain. I know what it is like to have an immediate family member pass away and it is incredibly painful. So this week I will be saying many prayers not just for me but for everyone in my life and hope that they have a week of blessings bestowed on them.