Being Thankful

With Thanksgiving approaching in a week and a half. I feel the need to think of my blessings and what I am thankful for. This year I would have to say I am thankful for my supportive family. They have helped me move into an apartment with some roomates. I am also very thankful for my friends mostly my college ones. They have kept me sane this year with our girls weekends, dinners, and just hanging out when I get in town. There are many blessings in life that we take for granted. The ability to go on a walk and smell of burning of leaves or fields which I feel makes it smell like fall. Being able to form opinions and debates with friends without fear of being hurt for our views.
I urge everyone in the next week to go through and think of what you are thankful for. If it is a person let them know, if it is a group find someway to be kind and helpful.

Writing and I are not Good Friends

I know that the world of blogging is all about putting your thoughts and feelings into words for the world. As you can see I am not so good at that. I have struggled the past 3 months in college because many of my courses have had papers in them. My History one I have had to do 3 papers and I have one more due in a few weeks. Needless to say writing and I do not get along. My one interesting class is Woman's Studies and I have to write a poem/ page about A Letter to my Daughter. The past two weeks have been very emotional because I am not sure how to write this to a child I so desperately want but probably will never have. Do I just put in things I would want to pass on to them or do I tell stories about my life. Sadly I should probably read the book before I get to stressed out about this assignment.

For those of you who do not know me I am a family person. My dreams in life were to be a wife and mother. That is all I have ever wanted. A few years ago I got a diagnosis that makes it difficult to have kids. At the time it was no big deal because I had yet to meet a man that I wanted to be with. Now as I see 30 on the horizon I am really scared as I know I want kids but more than likely will have to do this one my own and figure out if this is even something I physically can do and financially afford. My friend Holly to me epitomizes motherhood she has 2 beautiful little girls under the age of 2. Although I know she has struggled she makes everything seem so easy. I am not sure why I have gotten so sappy tonight, maybe because I am fighting a cold or just a little down.

Halloween sure has changed

I am just begining to realize how much things have changed from when I was a kid. For instance Halloween is completly different than I remember when I was growing up.
Back then you went trick or treating with your friends or family. The parents were not always there because you trusted everyone in your neighborhood. Now I am learning how much we have evolved. One of the guys I work with is having a trick of drunk party. Now maybe I am a little sheltered but I had no idea what that was until he explained it. Basically they have candy for the kids and a keg for the parents so while your kids are getting candy you can grab a beer. How crazy is that! Although the concept is really smart I do not know if I would give liquor to people I do not know. Another girl I work with says last year on their block people would rent a hay rack and drop the kids off at one end of block and then meet them at the other end. And of course on a hay rack ride what do you have. Liquor! It is just very odd to think about.
Well to everyone who celebrates Happy Halloween. Be safe

Where did you go?

In the past 4 years I have become increasingly aware of my health. I am by nature the healthiest person. I don't like vegtables or salad. I tend to eat whatever strikes my fancy and not look at calories or suggested servings. In the past 10 years I have gained weight and I will admit that I need to work on eating healthy and excercising. It was not until 4 years ago when I was diagnosed with PCOS that this reality was slammed in the face and then last year when being told I was resistant to insulin which can be the precursor to Diabetes. So this past week I made a decision to try and eat healthier. I have bought fruit which my goal is to eat 2 of a day and eat my grilled chicken than Hamburger Helper. One of the big motivators I see is The Dr. Oz show on ABC. If you have never watched it I highly recommend it. He does a great job not putting you down but wanting everyone to be more aware of their health and small things we can do to improve it.
My goal is in the next 6 months to eat better and start to work out. I think purchasing a WII will help this because I have Wii Fit with no Wii to play it on :(
I will try to blog about my progress not to mention whatever else is on my mind.
Pray for me!!

Just Breathe

Sorry to the blog universe for being so lax in my postings.
The past 3 months have been so busy and stressful that I was kind of afraid on what I would say here.
Here is a brief synopsis on my life since June. In July I went to be a reader in my cousin's wedding. LOTS of fun and then went on a weeklong tour of Wisconsin where I got to see what I feel are my Wisconsin family: Holly, Molly, Jen, and Lori. I love and miss you guys. Got back to Omaha and a week and a half later was moving into an apartment YIKES!! So the end of July and August was all about moving and getting acclimated to having roomates again. The last time I had roomates was when I lived with Lori and Pat before they got married which was 5 years ago. Also in August I had a birthday turned the age of 28 and sadly had a rough time with this birthday. September was a month of stress from work, to starting back to school, to learning to brush annoyances off my shoulder. So that is my life for the past 3 months.
I wish I could say that there is something on the horizon to look forward to but sadly there is not. Unless you count the holidays which means time off. Although if all goes according to plan I will graduate college in August YEAH!
I am hoping the month of October I can just sit back and just breathe. Although I am a personal attendant in my good friend Jen's wedding and with school I am thinking just breathing will not happen. In a totally different note the title of my post is also the name of a VERY good book by Susan Wiggs. If you are ever having a rough day I recomend picking it up and reading it.
Well good night blog world!

Talk about a rough week

It seems to me that when it rains it pours. Last week which should have been nice and relaxing was a sad week. I am a huge fan of celebrities and was very sad to hear about Ed and Farrah. Of course the sadness I felt for them was tripled by the loss of one of my favorite singers ever Michael Jackson. I was in shock all night Thursday about his death. I grew up with his music and loved it from the time I was a toddler I would sing and dance to his music. Sadly Friday came with another huge shocker for me. My friend Sean who I have known since I was 15 as we worked together called. Earlier in the week he told me she had been diagnosed with cancer and he was in town. On Friday she passed away and to say I was stunned would be an understatement. His mother was only a year older than my Dad and I cannot image one of my parents dying at this point.

So this week which is a short week due to the 4th of July holiday will be extremely stressful with the visitation I went to tonight, the funeral tomorrow, and one of my best friends husband having surgery on Wednesday. Like I said at the beginning when it rains it pours. I want to do something to help these great friends in my life but know that there is nothing I can do to help or ease their pain. I know what it is like to have an immediate family member pass away and it is incredibly painful. So this week I will be saying many prayers not just for me but for everyone in my life and hope that they have a week of blessings bestowed on them.

I've Come to Realize

In the past week I have had so many ugly situations thrown at me that there are a couple of things I have come to realize:
1) Life can truly suck. No matter how frustrated I get with my life I now have to remember my friend from high school whose mother is battling cancer and one of my best friends whose husband is having major surgery next week. Both are people who are put in situations that they do not deserve.

2) True friends come through when you need them. I am lucky to have some fabulous friends that seem to know me better than I know myself. I do not always tell them everything but that is because I see myself as not wanting to burden them

3) Words truly can be hurtful. No matter what anyone says words are painful. I watched Oprah a few weeks ago when she did a story on bullies and I realize that the most hurtful bullies in our life can be our family. They know every insecurity and bring them up all the time.

4) We never know where life will take us. I never thought 10 years ago after graduating from high school that I would still be single and in college. Although I can officially say by August I will be in my own apartment if my roomates ever turn in their application paperwork (but that is another story for another post)

5) A good pedicure can make an crappy day all better. I really don't need to explain this one I hope.

6) Just because you want to be my BFF does not mean I reciprocate the feeling and you need to deal. This is aggravating because I am a good person who does not like to hurt others feelings but I am at the point of spelling it all out. Seriously please learn to deal.

7) Although I love to go on vacation they never go as planned. There always seems to be something that happens that changes plans. Either storms or stopping and picking things up with family. The annoyances that drive me batty.

8) There is something seriously wrong with my back but I am to stubborn to go to a chiropractor to deal with it.

9) I hate summer. There I have said it the past 3 days it has been ungodly hot. I believe yesterday the heat index reached 108 degrees and I live in the middle of the US. That seems a little to intense for me. It would make sense if I lived in Arizona or Flordia and could deal but heck I live in Nebraska

and lastly
10) sleep is my friend. To bad the sun would not rise till after 10 AM and I would be happy as when it comes up I wake up. Really annoying on the weekend when I should sleep in.

Well that is my rant for today.
Hopefully I can give everyone an apartment update soon I am just waiting on my roomates and they seem to not want to answer my calls :( I am sure they are just not getting to the phone soon enough.

A New Chapter

Well as of yesterday my roomates and I have found a place we all agreed would be good to move to. I took the leap and filled out the paperwork and now just have to wait to hear about approval.
Although everyone has said this is a good thing it is still a very step for me to take.

I am hoping this will be a new chapter in my life. Maybe I can get out in the world and meet someone special. One would think that it would be easy but for me change is hard and scary. I always worry I have made the wrong choice.

In other news I am getting very excited for my vacation in the middle of July. It will be a good break from Omaha and not only will I see family but also my BEST friends in the entire world. Sadly we all live so far away we do not see each other very often but I get to spend 2 days in Milwaukee, 1 day in La Crosse, and 3 or so in Eau Claire. Of course the reason for the trip is my cousins wedding but the week after that it is friend time.

It is hard to believe that the 10-year anniversary of going to Viterbo is fastly approaching. Which means that I have known these friends for 10 years which is hard for me to wrap my head around. It makes me feel old and stunned. How could 10 years have passed so quickly and to look at their accomplishments just amazes me. They are all blessed with wonderful husbands and kids.

So I hope the next month passes quickly not only for the vacation but also for the move to Torrey Pines.

Legacy

Do we all plan on leaving a legacy behind or does it happen naturally?? That is the question that has been on my mind all weekend.
The past weekend I had some great familytime with my 16-year old cousin Rachel and came to realize that my grandparents left us a wonderful legacy on the blessing of family. This legacy is one that most people would think of as an old world view but meant so much to us. It was a simple legacy really, it was a belief that family should celebrate together and spend time together.
It seems like that does not happen often. I remember growing up that my Mom's extended family would get together for every holiday: Easter, Thanksgiving, Christmas, 4th of July. We also would get together to celebrate birthdays, in particular there were 6 birthdays in the month of August and we would have one big party for all of us. Everyone came and because of that I had a very close bond with my grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. When my grandmother passed away in 2002 that all changed.
I went to a baby shower for my almost 20-year old cousin as he and his girlfriend are expecting at the begining of July and I could not get my 13- year old cousin to sit let alone talk to me. It was very depressing to see how things had changed so drastically. Instead of the close knit family I grew with we are like strangers who see each other once every couple of years. Not the legacy that I grew up with to say the least.
My question is how do we get back to that legacy or is it lost on the young ones and only the older children that remember see it.
I also spent this past weekend going through boxes of my Mom's pictures that span from 1980-1996 going through them made me see all of happy times. I also saw my grandparents care-free and young. My aunts and uncles through various times in their lives such as the high school graduations and weddings. I saw myself and the animals we always had around and also as the consumate babysitter for everyone. There were so many pictures of me with children it was mind boggling.
It is the legacy of family that I miss and wonder if others see a legacy they grew up with or if they are building their own legacy.

Crazy Airlines

So in the past weekend I have taken 4 flights and I realize something.
Whoever made the airport rules to getting on a plane is nuts.
They first board people with small children or who will need extra time.
That makes sense get those people settled first. Then they go to the people in 1st Class.
This rule is dumb these people sit at the front of the plane wouldn't it make more sense to board the passengers in coach who will be towards the back of the plane first. I can't tell you how much time I spent waiting as others put their stuff in the overhead. In my opinion they should board people by time needed and then by back to front for the plane. It would ease congestion and make a smoother transition to getting on the plane. I also do not get the whole everyone having a carry on that is the size of a small suitcase. I thought your carry on was suppose to be a backpack or purse. It was so bad on 1 flight that somone had to travel 6 rows back to stow thier overhead suitcase. It was crazy.

Fun Weekends

There is nothing like a weekend away to give you perspective and help you relax.
While I am the 1 person that should not need a weekend away as I am single and do not have kids. It was truly needed. From the stress of work and school I was ready to crack.
This weekend has truly been an adventure but so laid back. I had a blast with Lori and Holly we all needed some time and seemed to have a great time.
While we had tenativly planned to go into downtown Chicago and go to Navy Pier and shopping on Madison Avenue. Well we sort of got lost going to the Metra Station due to faulty Google directions and user error on my part. By the time we got to the station the train had just pulled up and we were on the wrong side of the tracks. We looked at the schedule and the next train was 2 hours later. Needless to say we decided not to go into town and to go Woodfield Mall where we shopped and got a pedicure. I am SO happy that I found a dress for my cousins wedding in July at JC Penney's that was 50% off. It was very nice.
Later that night we went to Kohl's where I spent to much money but got some much needed work clothes.
All in all a fabulous weekend that I do not want to end.
Saying goodbye is always horrible and makes me cry but I try to not let it show.
Luckily I will see my girls in 7 weeks.
Such a long time but not really.

What a Day

Talk about a crazy week.

I feel like I have been going 100 miles an hour between finishing Finals, Work, and finding a place to live. So the news on the moving front I have an appointment to see a house that is a possibility tomorrow. It is in a good neighborhood has an extra bedroom and a finished basement. The roomies and I will hopefully have good news the only downside is that it is almost at our max of what we want to pay and I was hoping to find something for less but we will see what happens.

Happy Cinco de Mayo everyone. Not sure what that exactly means I spent mine running from appointments to work and then dating dinner a Chinese Restaurant.
I anxiously couting down the days till my vacation it seems like the closer it gets the longer the days are.

The only disappointment to this week has been the fact that my cousin is having a Wedding Shower but sadly I was not invited :(!! That could be because I mentioned to my aunt that I did not think I could go because it was the same weekend as my girl's weekend and that has been planned for to long. What frustrates me is that my Mom just got her invite yesterday and the party is a week from Saturday so there was really no time for her to make plans to go. I am think I will drop our gifts off on Friday afternoon before the girls weekend if I can get my friends to make a pit stop before the hotel.

The Swine Flu Craze

This whole pandemic is very frustrating for me.
I understand that people are scared and understand that, but I also feel people are obsessing about it too much. I totally get it if you have a baby or small children because their bodies can not fight off illness like we can as adults.
The normal flu period is over that usually happens in the winter.
I think we need to keep up the prevenative teachings we use in the winter.
The washing of your hands, having lots of Vitamin C, if you have a fever don't go to work/school, and if you have been sick and aren't getting better go and see the doctor.
These may seem like average things but they do help.
Seeing this makes me think about what they did 70 years ago when there was no flu shot or chicken pox shot. We have fought many types of Influenza before and been ok and we will continue to do so in the future.

Seasons

I was watching it rain today and realizing that it is officially Spring. Which made me think of my favorite season and why I like them.

My absolute favorite season is Fall. There is something about this time of year when you can fell the nip in the air what signifies the change from Summer to Fall. It is Baseball Playoff time which is exciting especially if the Chicago Cubs are in the playoffs. The changing of the leaves and the smell of burning leaves is amazing. I am not a big football fan but at this time of year I will watch it with a smile on my face.

I would say that Spring is my second favorite season. It seems like the rain washes away all of the grime and gloom from Winter. The past week it has rained pretty frequently and I notice one thing at this time of year. Once the rain stops everything is brighter the buds of the trees are more noticeable and flowers spring up and add color to the world. This year I seem to be all about getting out. I have been walking daily and just enjoying the change from winter. Maybe that means it went on for to long.

Winter I love not only because we have Thanksgiving and Christmas then but the first few months of snow seem to blanket the world in crystals and with Christmas lights it is simply beautiful. Of course by mid January I am done with it.

Obviously my least favorite season is summer. Which is very odd because I am a huge baseball fan and that is when their season is. The heat drives me crazy. Probably because I have extremly thick curly hair and when it gets humid as it always does in Omaha my hair looks like I stuck my finger in a light socket. No pretty at all.

I don't see how people can live in places with one season such as Flordia and Hawaii that would drive me crazy. I need change even if only for a few months. So as we get into Spring get outside and enjoy the weather.

The End of a Long Day

I live in a world where hopes and dreams have taken a back seat to the harsh reality of the day.
My thoughts keep me grounded but not always in the way you would think. I am the type of person that will always smile, but if you truly looked at me you would see the tear marks running down my face. Tears from the fear and lonliness that swallow me whole and leave gaping wounds where my heart and soul use to be. I hope someday you will truly see the person underneath, until then she will stay hidden behind this happy exterior that everyone including myself prefers. To show my true self means to be vulnerable around people that could hurt me and I just can't do that.

Today has been one of those days you dread. Had to get to work really early and by 9 AM my feet were killing me and I was dragging. As much joy as I get out of my job I also have never been more frustrated as I am some days there. The people are great and make me laugh and smile. My manager on the other hand can drive me crazy. She is a good person but I am not sure she knows how to lead without being overbearing and controlling. There are times I feel like the misunderstood and always in trouble 12 year old with her.

I can say that I am very thankful this week is half over. By Monday I will be done with school for 3 months and believe me that is a load off of my shoulders. Also it will mean I have less than 2 weeks till I see my best friends. We only see each other about once a year but when we get together it is like nothing has changed and we are all crazy 21- year olds that love to go out and dance. They give me something to look forward too.

First One

As you can tell by the title this is my first blog.
I decided to join the world of blogging after a moment of inspiration from my dear friend Holly.
Not exactly sure what I will be writing here.
The name I chose may seem odd to most people but that feels like my life right now utter chaos.

This week has been a crazy one in my life.
Between work, school, and home I am beginning to feel like Gumby the green stretchy character from some TV show in the 80's that people could pull to their heart's content and not break. Oddly enough I feel my breaking point coming on. Luckily some stress will be alleviated next week when I am done with school till the end of August.